Get to Know: Millard Fillmore

Facts you probably knew but should be reminded of:

1) He was the 13th President of the United States.

2) He was the last member of the now defunct Whig Party to hold office.

3) His background is Scottish/English.

4) He played the guitar like a motherfucking riot.

5) He had the courage to say he hated slavery while allowing it to continue: "God knows that I detest slavery, but it is an existing evil ... and we must endure it and give it such protection as is guaranteed by the Constitution." What conviction!

6) He's a member of the "Students Against Students Against Popped Collars" group on Facebook.

7) He was a founder of the University of Buffalo.

8) He travelled forward into time to the year 1990 and convinced the casting directors to cast Mayim Balik in the title role of "Blossom".

9) He wrote love poems to Zachary Taylor. This, and not his ability to capture votes in Nothern states is what got Taylor to name Fillmore his running mate for the White House in 1848. An example:

Dearest Zachary Taylor You're my favorite Male-er. You might be old, But if I could be so bold, I'd wrap my arms around you tight And tell your wife Peggy to go fly a kite.

10) He once swallowed 43 goldfish to get into his frat, Alpha Beta. The movie "Revenge of the Nerds" is actually a very smart parody of Fillmore's college days. He, much like the main bad guy, Stan Gable (played by famed feminist Ted McGinley) was made the fool when his girlfriend Betty slept with a total nerd.

11) He owes me five dollars. I don't care if it's only five dollars, I want it back.

12) He invented the ketchup packet, but hated the idea of mustard, mayonaise, and relish packets. And it's not because of the money he lost out on, it's the principle of the thing, dude.

13) He coined the phrase, "Just Fucking Deal with It", Thrillsville's anthem.

14) He only had 13 interesting things about him.