Saturday, December 27, 2008

...And We're Back!

Hello, hello my dear dear friends. Will here. I have finally returned from my sabbatical. I became completely exhausted from my 12 posts on this blog back in 2007, and thus my team of medical doctors, (headed by the capable if a little over-cautious Dr. Gail Rosseau) demanded that I take a 19 month break.

So what have I been doing the past few months? Here's a month by month timeline!

  • May 07- Bed rest, eat lots of Progresso soup, re-read my entire collection of Judy Blume novels, which is unfortunately limited only to "Fudge" and "Superfudge".
  • June 07- Visit the Thrillsville Classic staff. Tell them that despite me not being here, that they should carry on and make sure that the site gets updated regularly, ask that that they not let me down, because I really REALLY don't like being let down.
  • July 07- Deal with feeling let down.
  • August 07- Dr. Rosseau and I date.
  • September 07- Things get weird with Dr. Rosseau, we stop dating.
  • October 07- Decide that since "Porgy and Bess" there hasn't been a great American opera.
  • November 07- Take up residence at Pier 6/7 in Sydney, Australia. Start to enjoy it until my new neighbor and long-time enemy, Nicole Kidman moves in. See her at the local grocery store, tell her that Naomi Watts has more charisma than her. Smirk as she tears up.
  • December 07- Think about ways that Nicole Kidman bothers me on a personal level. Etch those thoughts on to small pieces of wood and them nail them Martin Luther style to her door. Stop when Keith Urban threatens to beat me up.
  • January 08- Eat a lot of Chinese food. Decide that it will be the year of Chinese food.
  • February 08- Continue eating Chinese food.
  • March 08- Wonder why there aren't any holidays in March. Share these thoughts with my next door neighbors at Pier 6/7, they tell me there's St. Patrick's Day. Go to my public library with the intention of learning more about this guy, but as usual, get distracted looking at the naked pictures in the old National Geographics.
  • April 08- Get in line for "The Dark Knight". Am told that it will not be out for a few more months. Go see "88 Minutes", the Al Pacino movie. Think it's fantastic. Rent "Two For The Money". Think it's fantastic. Rent "S1m0ne". Love it. Rent "The Godfather". Hate it. Rent "The Godfather 2". Hate it. Start to hate Al Pacino almost as much as I hate Nicole Kidman. Laugh at that notion. Flip off collage of Nicole Kidman I have up in my den.
  • May 08- Ask Dr. Rosseau "what's up". Make small talk. She hangs up in the middle of me saying goodbye.
  • June 08- Still eat Chinese food. Enjoy it even more.
  • July 08- Scream at Nicole Kidman in the hallway. Smirk as she runs away.
  • August 08- Find out that Naomi Watts is friends with Nicole Kidman when she confronts me and tells me to stop being a bully. Decide that Naomi Watts wasn't my favorite actor in "I Heart Huckabees", that Mark Whalberg now is.
  • September 08- Still eat Chinese food. Think I'm getting tired of it, think some more, decide that I'm not.
  • October 08- Dress up as Mark Whalberg's character in "I Heart Huckabees" for Halloween. Nobody at the Pier 6/7 party gets it, but Kidman does. See her texting all night, probably Naomi Watts.
  • November 08- Decide that Keith Urban can do better.
  • December 08- Celebrate when I find out that Nicole Kidman's moving out. Rise up in anger when I find out she's leaving her stupid yacht where I live. Alert the press (link).

...After I found out about her yacht, I decided to return to Washington D.C. and relaunch the Thrillsville Classic! This is not the first time I've made a decision based on marine vessels. One time I decided to spend an entire day watching television because of a boat that was going on a three hour tour.

Here's to a new year of blog posts!

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