1) I was born. Some might say that is more of an accomplishment by the mother, but it was actually all me. On January 7th, 1985, whilst in the womb, I decided I felt like getting some fresh air and thus entered the world. My mother did not even have to push. I literally walked out. In fact, I was running by the age of 5 days. Had I not torn my ACL when I saved that family from the runaway cougar in Kalispell, Montana, I probably would have competed in the Olympics.
Kalispell, Montana:
An Artists' Rendition of the Cougar I defeated:
The Artist Who Drew That Sweet Cougar:
2) I created the solar-powered calculator. This is mostly impressive to mathematicians, accountants, and lion tamers. But it is true. One day I was messing around on the ol' abacus and when I checked the time on my killer digital watch it dawned on me: Math, which is already my favorite sport, would be even better if it was more accessible. I got to work on it, and within 6 weeks, I made the perfect calculator. At the time, my name was Will Texas, and that is why you all use Texas Instruments. Except for those damned Casio users. What the hell is their problem? Someone should inform them that lame people suck, and only lame people use Casios. As a side note, I changed my name from Will Texas to my current name because I am on the run from the Royal Canadian Infantry Corps. They hate it when you sell secrets for frequent flier miles.
The abacus I used to use:
The first image that comes up when you look for a medium-sized image of an abacus on Google Image Search:
The Kind of Person Who Would Use A Casio:
That's my short list. As time goes on, I might fill you in on other great things I've done. And those first two are not my greatest feats either. For instance, through guesstimation I successfully found the location of Noah's Arc. Its galley was surprisingly roomy.
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